Ek Ajeeb si Story

Ok.. long time.. really very very long time.. seems like months.. aahh.. almost an year.. after last blog i happened to see an interview of Aamir Khan and kinda liked him chiming about better quality than more quantity.. being the literal maverick i am, i took it for once in 6 7 months.. but offlate on public demand i am back to the blog.... feels good writing again..

so the last time i cranked about meeting Miss JD @ walmart.. got a few phone calls after that asking me to write about more social topics like iRace, black socks with no holes policies of the company, but i will leave it to lesser mortals.. whats the point in cribbing about things which you dont control, dont like it call it quits.. ok mallu i didnt mean it literally.. now that doesnt ask for quitting ur job.. u can be in the system to protest against it (some yank from ole injuin movie.. ) but again personal choices..

so what do i gibberish about today.. a writer needs food for thought... and here i was all hungry offlate ... nothing was interesting enough to put my creativity to it to give it another form of life.. (well modesty was never my forte)...so i had been looking @ different things around me to take some inspiration and get the word rolling...

and today morning was the moment... morning something really strange happened.. had got a mail from some friends about some northi hitting on some southi or vice versa.. to be honest not sure.. was really early morning.. 8 30 a.m..... found it funny.. people are the strangest creation of the shepherd.. or else what can explain some fella sitting on east calling up someone on almost west to talk about how they think that the guy sitting in nawabland (lucknow) is hitting on a dame from extreme south.. chennai land..

n then while driving to work came across a living soul in flesh and blood named Indresh Vaidyanathan.. looked northi spoke southi or vice versa.. something was fundamentally different.. and then it all triggered a thought process of the endless possibilities of what can the fusion create..

so here i am exploring the possibilities... lets take a case study and try doing a walkthrough of the scenario.. so the main lead, hero for the lesser literals of this case, is a southi who after completing his engineering has come to the northern territories of pune... lets give him a name.. THKVP Babu... ok the initial noise before his name is something called as initials in southernland.. i still remember my 1st day in college in southernland... "WHAT YOU DONT HAVE AN INITIAL????????" sounded more like .. "WHAT DO YOU WANA RUN AWAY WITH MY DAUGHTER!!!" Ok to get the matters straight.. northis dont have an initial.. No initials are not worldwide phenomenon.. so what was my lead charecter called in totality.. Thumulupalli Hanumat Kali Vara Prasad Babu.... now beat that for a name all you Tijus and Viks.. :) Someone spent time thinking over a name.. all the time .. months.. years.. But then there are always Ajay Chandrans to the rule.. i meant exceptions.. coming back to my lead.. southi... came to northland.. all fresh out of college.. new place called Pannii.. nah Pune.. got a little used to for getting the name right.. not used to such short names... look try saying Ottakamandu 20 times without a break.. Pune.. huh.. newaz pune it was..

Scene 1 -- Outside the Hotel Kinara The Senator, Punes Pride..Time the day babu lands in Pune

My lead lands in the city of pune... it took him 20 minutes out of the train @ the auto stand to get all frustrated about why he is not sweating @ 7 in the morning.. why is the sun not beating it out on him.. why the breeze is cold.. 40th minute my lead catches cold ... now all u non believers.. put a chennai guy from 45* C, now in Pune @ 18* C, and check out the different ways a man can cough and crank... my lead.. lets call him babu (come on dont expect me to keep on repeating his whole name.. i dont get paid by the word count ..) so babu got cold before he could reach his hotel... the peaceful ayangar soul had the first hand experience of Nazi atrocities when he got down from the auto and went ahead to check the meter.. "250 Rs" declared the rick pilot, who going by the rick decoration was a big Salman Khan fan... Babu, initially puzzled on seeing the absence of Rajnikant or any traces of him, right from the station, to the shops, to the auto, and with the cold catching up was almost paranoid.. "250 Rs.. ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..." no this is not fill in the blanks.. something which Babu spoke in the loudest of his decibels.. the rick pilot, adjusting his shakal nagar Roy Ben Avatar glasses, told him this place was 30 kms away from the station and what he was demanding was absolutely right.. Babu being from the land of mathematics whiz kids, took it personally.. "Aiyoooo... Station Hotel.. 30 km... we reachad(deliberate oversight in spelling it.. ever seen a chennai dude saying rached.. lol) here in 20 mins.. so our speed is 30/(20/60) kms per hr... applying bodmas.. 30*3/1, 90 kms/hr.. u mean the rick drove @ 90 kms, almost 60 miles per hr.. Tum Aamko bekoof banata.. " The rick guy, amazed @ this stroke of brilliance was speechless... he tried real hard to adjust the numbers here and there, but babu was now on top of his Tamil best.. "Illa.... Illa.... 100 ... anna.. manaaa... laa... pavi..." and handed the rick guy 100 bucks.. astonished with his daredevilrish.. the rick guy suddenly turned into a social commentator.. explaining Babu why the immigrants to Pune are spoiling the culture.. why there should be a visa policy for entering the city and so forth.. now it was babus turn to get impressed.. this mortal soul of the land was giving social solutions which can solve the ever increasing problems of the bigger city municipalities.. so after some mutual admiration babu handed him another 20 bucks.. and ended it all with a "Podaaaa"....


Scene 2 -- Hotel Lobby of Kinara.. Afternoon 3 o clock

The manager of the hotel looks perplexed.. There is man roaming arnd in the lobby on a cell phone, clad in a Nirma Super White Shirt and white towel.. And making real strange and high pitched noises.. This gentleman(if i so call him.. ) was attracting alot of attention and was visibly disturbing the other guests.. Finally manager asked one of the receptionists, Shalini Chautala diploma in hotel management, PUSA university, Pusa road, nai Delhi, to intervene and bring the house in order.. Shalini, being a new age ultra confident young woman, walked down to the towel clad gentleman.. "Sir.. pls. calm down.. if there is a problem pls. let us know.. we are here to help.. the other guests are getting disturbed.. and why are you in the lobby in towel.. is the water connection down in ur room.. " "Yello.. My name is THKVP Babu.. ama sarry.. no problem medem.. was talking to appa amma.. chinappa .. kinappa... was telling them about pune.. and no this no towel.. this is dhoti.. Chennai Tnagar market.. appaswamy store.. vary white.. " Shalini found this very strange and her PUSA professor never told her how to deal with this scenario.. started laughing.. Babu.. wasnt sure whether she was making fun of her or is it punes way of treating people.. asked what wrong medem.. she politely asked him to continue the conversation in his room.. as other guests are getting disturbed..


Scene 3 -- Parking lot outside Kinara, late in the evening ...

Shalini Chautala got late fixing up some housekeeping issues, and had to take a rick to get back home.. she was waiting @ the parking lot, it was getting a little dark.. suddenly 3 goons from nowhere turn up there and start teasing her.. All that Ghee Butter which mother Shalini had fed her all these years, transform into unmentionable words .. with staunch Jat accent.. The goons startled.. but still continued with the eve teasing..Shalini shouted the age ole lines.. Somebody Save me.... N Suddenly the earth shook a little and the goons fell down.. "Panni podaa...ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..." Babu thundered and stampeded the ground again... the earth shook again.. more vigorously.. Goons fell down and started rolling on the ground... Babu got more angry.. took the auto standing next to him and threw it @ the goon.. it landed on the goon and blasted in flames.. the other guy got up and stared @ Babu.. Babu got more angry and flexed his muscles.. the shirt tore open... and blew away with wind.. the white thread draping his body was visible, the wicked fella got very nervous and started running away.. Babu stared @ him.. took out his glasses.. threw them @ 45 degrees projectile.. took out a Gold flake small.. threw the ciggi @ the goon, it hit him on the head and he lost consciousness... the ciggi rebounded.. hit the specs.. and went to the flame started by the rick .. got lit from one side and due to the shaking earth which babus started.. jumped back into babus hands.. the glasses due to the hit from the ciggi, changed directions and went towards babus face and fitted to a T... All in glasses and a ciggi in his hand.. babu stubbed out the ciggi and shouted .. "SMOKING is inchurious to halthe..RAJNIKANTAAAAAAAAAAAA" Shalini Chautala ran towards babu, with tears in her eyes and was all smiles by the time she reached him...

Scene 4 -- Babus Shalini imagination.. level 2..

White Shirt, white trousers, white shoes clad babu.. "If you come today... it is too early.. if you come tomorrow.. it is too late...you pick the time... tick tick tick tick..." The actual song can be seen @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PFURM9eA_Q
Shalini "Sajna aa vi jaa .. sajna aabhi jaa.. nai lagda dil tere bina..." for further reference http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it8n26qfzqw&feature=related

Scene 5 -- Hotel lobby Kinara hotel..


"Appa amma.. love love love... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..... Shalini Chautala.... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da...love love....ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paia..da...Marriage...ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...pls. understand... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...love love.. Run away.. ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...Aiyoooooooooooo" "Amma appa ready ilaya.. we need to elope .. " "My folks also not ready.. lets run ... " another song.. "O Yaara rab rus jaane de.. diwana jag chut jaane de..mai tera dil ban ke rahun.. begane dil toot jaane de..." bibliography http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lHj6LhvSwY


Scene 6 -- chaturshringi temple pune

"Om Garood..........." Babu and Shalini were tieing the knot.. They lived happily ever after .... and soon they were blessed with a child whom they named... Indresh Vaidyanathan...The End....


He told me the story of their parents meeting up and getting married when i asked him about his genetical experiment, the 18 mile drive to work couldnt have been more exciting.. I almost prayed for traffic jams that day as was so very engrossed in his story..

Ok.. now what do we understand from the case study.. come on folks think.. most of u r into softwares and i understand the cut copy paste job has hardly left any fertile grey cells, but trying is the mother of all inventions..ok something is.. lets not get literal here.. think .. rake ur brains.. ok i give it to you.. "Truth is stranger than fiction..." Simple hai


Now time for post scripts and disclaimers ..

Disclaimer:

all characters in this blog are fictitious, conincidences happen and they can be explained.. so pls. dont bother about an explanation.. will give it in next blog..
this blog is written entirely from the perspective of entertainment and should be considered in the same vain, not that i care if you object, but still read it with a light heart.

A smile is worth a million insults..
--AG 1:31 A.M. Scottsdale..


P.S.--I have been approached by Vidhu Vinod Chopra and Raju Hirani to sell the contents of this blog to him, but looking @ the way Chetan Bhagat was treated i have decided not to sell this story to them, @ any cost. So in case you fans dont see a movie made on this, dont be disappointed.. Some hard decisions need to be taken..

Astla Vista till i write again...

We The Talkers

Thanks for all the responses and comments and the endless requests of keeping it coming, A BLOGGER IS BORN. First and foremost I will like to thank all for your responses, one liners, comments and also the words which never reached me. Thanks folks. No don’t mistake me for the humble kinds, just that have a perennial habit of saying Thanks. hehehe.. Come on have thanked people for sending Java code which was never tested, wasn’t written to the specification, didn’t even compile and yes above all many a times wasn’t written in Java in the first place. Then why thanks, come on they atleast tried to help the cause, gave some basic files to work on. If it hadn’t been to them we would have had to write the file names also ourselves. To all the folks who think they also suffer from the same problem, here are my 2 Cents “One should try appreciating the good things in life”. Thanks CODERS. So you get why I am so very overwhelmed with your response. You atleast tried reading the stuff. Appreciate it.

I hope many of you were helped by the previous blog and would have tried your hands at Chicken Curry. For the deprived ones, come on lazy misers start spending and working… do you expect the chicken to jump in the pan on its own... Economies across the world are counting on you. You are the consumers folks, least you can do is to consume. To all the vegetable killers out there, GOD BLESS YOU. Remember that life moves in cycle, what you do today comes back to you tomorrow. Slaughter the vegetables today, tomorrow you may expect…. Some things are better left unsaid, learnt it with experience me BIG MOUTH…

Yesterday I was just going through an article which read India is a land of Talkers not Doers. Well I am still kind of coming to terms with that… Fact “India is a land of a 100 billion people”, come on it didn’t happen just by talking…people worked, slogged hard…. hehehe…

Jokes apart, that article set the thought process going. Are we just the talkers? Are we the kind who can just talk their way out of any situation? Are we the ones who can talk on almost everything.. are we the ones who have an opinion about almost everything… politics, neighbors, bosses, colleagues everything which breathes or doesn’t even breath under the sun... we seem to have an opinion about almost everything… It makes me kind of believe that the article was almost spot on, if not on bull’s eye. How many times it has happened with us that we have made opinions without giving it a rarest of rational thought. Alpha is not a nice bloke, why .. heard it somewhere… Beta was saying the same… How many a times we give a rational thought about the same before coming to the conclusions… Pervez came to India.. Pervez.. no not the Pervez Chicken shop owner, Pervez Musharraf… Spoke in the India Today Conclave… I met folks who didn’t like Indians giving him a standing ovation… why… they never heard him themselves… they don’t even know about the different references which he had given…but still didn’t like it… why .. coz Beta said so.. heard it over breakfast table… Beta was talking confidently… would have done the research… so conclude that it wasn’t right… so much for the rationality.. huh.. We the Talkers.. often meet folks who don’t like BJP… one should never vote for them…why… heard it over the news that they are communal… no idea about their manifesto, some don’t even understand what is a manifesto… but still one shouldn’t vote for them.. so many people say so… must be right… We the thinkers… Rational Thinkers I meant…

When we talk of talking, a few very catchy lines come to mind… “Have you replied to all the mails which you haven’t read…” Great Talkers… the issue which was under consideration went under the tide… Issue fixed…. We the talkers… How many times does it happen that we go to Alpha and say that there is a problem in the code, isn’t getting fixed…not sure how to approach… the response …”Good you identified the problem, we need to take a holistic approach to come to the root cause of the problem, so that no unexpected aspect of it remains untouched… No last minute surprises… We need to take it break the problem to pieces and look at the finer details of what makes it happen and what can be done to solve it… lets assume Gamma met theta, they went for a walk, on the beach.. no lets assume on the road.. for better understanding lets assume Karve Road.. still better Aundh road… they meet Delta on the way.. Beta Theta Delta Gamma…all meet .. On Road… Walking… Now there is water in the lake.. Lake Wyle.. Summers its full of people who go for fishing there... For better understanding lets talk of Moola Nadi… Lake Wyle would have caused a disconnect…. So water in the lake… water flows… if temperature falls below freezing point, it turns into ice… Beta Gamma Delta Theta…walking on road.. water in lake.. ice .. freezing cold… blah…. blah… ……So you get it this is how you can solve this problem….” Issue fixed, problem resolved…Alpha has done it again… talked the problem out…still wondering how the walking Betta Gamma Delta Theta water relate to your problem, how the sermon about water in the lake helps to do away the issue in the code.. still wondering… come on you hadn’t being paying attention… read the sermon again… read?... still doesn’t make sense.. one more time… still clueless .. I always knew your grasping is below par … try working harder on that… give it another shot… still cant relate… analytics and IQ less… man you have a problem.. cant you do 2+2, of course we know it is 4, lets review it using a scientific calc… see I told you it was 4… what you are still struggling with the same problem… you need to do some out of box thinking… …. Goes on and on… either someone fixes the problem, you give up on the problem or the problem dies down on its own…of course you took a different approach now… the talker always knew you could do it… didn’t his sermon on Beta Gamma Theta helped… of course it did finally you could make sense out of it… you the intelligent fella… hail the Talker.. he can fix anything… He is the One, He is the man… the life savior.. the problem solver.. A person with high analytics can solve any problem with a little help.. agreed totally… the talker helped…He always does…he has leadership qualities.. he is the one to be followed… he is the TALKER.. .. hehe .. wondering how many times you have come across this Talker.. what daily.. every other hour… now you can understand what he speaks.. you the intelligent one…makes the point of the article.. India is a land of Talkers…

Even I had been talking so much out here… :)… Me Indian…

The times have changed.. check your watch.. hehe it is ticking.. time has changed.. Talker knows it all.. Times have changed… 3 years back, when economies across globe were booming, back in the India shining days, things were different… A lot of water has passed under the bridge from then… things have changed people have changed…the lifestyles have changed… Will quote some of my experiences of the same…let me share it with you… let me listen to the talker… do an AS WAS – AS IS analysis of things…

AS WAS – Our Prayers used to be “Oh God.. give me that extra raise this time around… Get me that job which I had always wanted… Make me strong enough to buy the dream car I had always wanted…”
AS IS – Prayers have changed “Oh God… Pls. don’t let me get thrown out… Pls. make sure that my company is still afloat… Salary is all I want, even with a reduced payout…”

AS WAS – People’s attitude “SHH I am still stuck with the same moronic Job… I am sticking here just because I need one more year added to my resume before I take that next giant leap… My company is blessed to have me, it was just because of the good deeds that my managers had done before, that he has a resource like me…”
AS IS – People’s new attitude “Didn’t I always say I was brand loyalty personified…I can put a dog to shame when it comes to Loyalty…My current company is the one which I want to die working for…That’s why I never quit…Job hopper .. eh not me…”

AS WAS – People’s aspirations “I am not satisfied with the type of job which I am doing here.. I think I should be given either more responsibilities or may be better work… Show me the results quickly else will need to think about my long term plans…”
AS IS – People’s aspirations “I am more than satisfied with whatever I am doing right now… Sometimes I believe that I was born to do this… It gives me a strange sense of salvation doing this…Sense of achievement”

AS WAS – On Job Heroics “Well I don’t think I have the time or the inclination to do this… the fella sitting to my right may be the correct fit for the same…”
AS IS – On Job Heroics “Well I am delighted you chose or even thought of me while you thought of this task… It will be really my pleasure to be associated with this…” All we are talking of here is to fill up a God damned tracker to keep a track of how many people take how many coffee breaks… J

AS WAS – Motivators in life used to be big perks, raises, new cars, better houses.
AS IS – Paychecks are the only things which I need to keep going for the next 100 years…

AS WAS – Lets do it my way or you take the highway.
AS IS – Your WAY.

AS WAS – God is great… No one knows who God is…
AS IS – God is still great… But we found out who the God is… He just took the umpteenth reincarnation in the form of MY MANAGER….in nutshell MY MANAGER IS GREAT…

AS WAS – Never had the time to spend it with your gal…
AS IS – Cant afford a gal, so pass your time blogging…. lol…(To all the people who have their smiles going on this line…Losers atleast I am blogging, doing something constructive out of this free time… hehehe.. you see where I am coming from…)

This list can keep growing on and on… But like I always say … some things are better unsaid… Yes truly the times have changed… Some Great Talkers call it Evolving… Evolution is the only thing which is constant…Folks give the credit of Theory of Evolution to Charles Darwin, huh, wasn’t it our great talkers who saw it before Darwin… Another thing he gave it 2 3 centuries back, but our talkers saw it for this century… some buggers wasting their time making sites like http://www.darwins-theory-of-evolution.com/, all they needed to do was to talk to the Great Talker… Doesn’t he knows it all… :D

I believe all we need to learn in life is to appreciate things… If we can appreciate things in life, such times, turbulent as it may be, will also pass away. Try seeing the funnier side of everything, instead of dwelling upon the thought of The Talker telling you another tell tale…Try appreciating it by looking at the funnier side of it… Atleast in such times you are having free entertainment going… Try making sense of the talkers sermons, trust me gonna be more fun than doing some riddles and puzzles…

Someone told me arguing with some folks is like rolling into mud with a Pig, as the argument grows, you start getting dirtier and the pig starts enjoying it… It’s a pig’s world… The dogs sold it to pigs.. turbulent recessionary times you see… :)

Signing off on this Visionary Note…

Yours
Another Talker…

P.S – If you don’t like this piece, just remember ”Every fool has a perfect right to his or her opinion…” Fool me??.. aahhhh go over the whole piece again, may be a revision might help…

P.P.S. – All the incidents and quotes in this blog are purely my brainchild, if you see or hear someone using them either it is purely coincidental or plagiarism.

P.P.P.S. – Start appreciating the good things in life, the follow blog button is on the left hand side upper corner… Show everyone that you are learning.. :)