Ek Ajeeb si Story

Ok.. long time.. really very very long time.. seems like months.. aahh.. almost an year.. after last blog i happened to see an interview of Aamir Khan and kinda liked him chiming about better quality than more quantity.. being the literal maverick i am, i took it for once in 6 7 months.. but offlate on public demand i am back to the blog.... feels good writing again..

so the last time i cranked about meeting Miss JD @ walmart.. got a few phone calls after that asking me to write about more social topics like iRace, black socks with no holes policies of the company, but i will leave it to lesser mortals.. whats the point in cribbing about things which you dont control, dont like it call it quits.. ok mallu i didnt mean it literally.. now that doesnt ask for quitting ur job.. u can be in the system to protest against it (some yank from ole injuin movie.. ) but again personal choices..

so what do i gibberish about today.. a writer needs food for thought... and here i was all hungry offlate ... nothing was interesting enough to put my creativity to it to give it another form of life.. (well modesty was never my forte)...so i had been looking @ different things around me to take some inspiration and get the word rolling...

and today morning was the moment... morning something really strange happened.. had got a mail from some friends about some northi hitting on some southi or vice versa.. to be honest not sure.. was really early morning.. 8 30 a.m..... found it funny.. people are the strangest creation of the shepherd.. or else what can explain some fella sitting on east calling up someone on almost west to talk about how they think that the guy sitting in nawabland (lucknow) is hitting on a dame from extreme south.. chennai land..

n then while driving to work came across a living soul in flesh and blood named Indresh Vaidyanathan.. looked northi spoke southi or vice versa.. something was fundamentally different.. and then it all triggered a thought process of the endless possibilities of what can the fusion create..

so here i am exploring the possibilities... lets take a case study and try doing a walkthrough of the scenario.. so the main lead, hero for the lesser literals of this case, is a southi who after completing his engineering has come to the northern territories of pune... lets give him a name.. THKVP Babu... ok the initial noise before his name is something called as initials in southernland.. i still remember my 1st day in college in southernland... "WHAT YOU DONT HAVE AN INITIAL????????" sounded more like .. "WHAT DO YOU WANA RUN AWAY WITH MY DAUGHTER!!!" Ok to get the matters straight.. northis dont have an initial.. No initials are not worldwide phenomenon.. so what was my lead charecter called in totality.. Thumulupalli Hanumat Kali Vara Prasad Babu.... now beat that for a name all you Tijus and Viks.. :) Someone spent time thinking over a name.. all the time .. months.. years.. But then there are always Ajay Chandrans to the rule.. i meant exceptions.. coming back to my lead.. southi... came to northland.. all fresh out of college.. new place called Pannii.. nah Pune.. got a little used to for getting the name right.. not used to such short names... look try saying Ottakamandu 20 times without a break.. Pune.. huh.. newaz pune it was..

Scene 1 -- Outside the Hotel Kinara The Senator, Punes Pride..Time the day babu lands in Pune

My lead lands in the city of pune... it took him 20 minutes out of the train @ the auto stand to get all frustrated about why he is not sweating @ 7 in the morning.. why is the sun not beating it out on him.. why the breeze is cold.. 40th minute my lead catches cold ... now all u non believers.. put a chennai guy from 45* C, now in Pune @ 18* C, and check out the different ways a man can cough and crank... my lead.. lets call him babu (come on dont expect me to keep on repeating his whole name.. i dont get paid by the word count ..) so babu got cold before he could reach his hotel... the peaceful ayangar soul had the first hand experience of Nazi atrocities when he got down from the auto and went ahead to check the meter.. "250 Rs" declared the rick pilot, who going by the rick decoration was a big Salman Khan fan... Babu, initially puzzled on seeing the absence of Rajnikant or any traces of him, right from the station, to the shops, to the auto, and with the cold catching up was almost paranoid.. "250 Rs.. ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..." no this is not fill in the blanks.. something which Babu spoke in the loudest of his decibels.. the rick pilot, adjusting his shakal nagar Roy Ben Avatar glasses, told him this place was 30 kms away from the station and what he was demanding was absolutely right.. Babu being from the land of mathematics whiz kids, took it personally.. "Aiyoooo... Station Hotel.. 30 km... we reachad(deliberate oversight in spelling it.. ever seen a chennai dude saying rached.. lol) here in 20 mins.. so our speed is 30/(20/60) kms per hr... applying bodmas.. 30*3/1, 90 kms/hr.. u mean the rick drove @ 90 kms, almost 60 miles per hr.. Tum Aamko bekoof banata.. " The rick guy, amazed @ this stroke of brilliance was speechless... he tried real hard to adjust the numbers here and there, but babu was now on top of his Tamil best.. "Illa.... Illa.... 100 ... anna.. manaaa... laa... pavi..." and handed the rick guy 100 bucks.. astonished with his daredevilrish.. the rick guy suddenly turned into a social commentator.. explaining Babu why the immigrants to Pune are spoiling the culture.. why there should be a visa policy for entering the city and so forth.. now it was babus turn to get impressed.. this mortal soul of the land was giving social solutions which can solve the ever increasing problems of the bigger city municipalities.. so after some mutual admiration babu handed him another 20 bucks.. and ended it all with a "Podaaaa"....


Scene 2 -- Hotel Lobby of Kinara.. Afternoon 3 o clock

The manager of the hotel looks perplexed.. There is man roaming arnd in the lobby on a cell phone, clad in a Nirma Super White Shirt and white towel.. And making real strange and high pitched noises.. This gentleman(if i so call him.. ) was attracting alot of attention and was visibly disturbing the other guests.. Finally manager asked one of the receptionists, Shalini Chautala diploma in hotel management, PUSA university, Pusa road, nai Delhi, to intervene and bring the house in order.. Shalini, being a new age ultra confident young woman, walked down to the towel clad gentleman.. "Sir.. pls. calm down.. if there is a problem pls. let us know.. we are here to help.. the other guests are getting disturbed.. and why are you in the lobby in towel.. is the water connection down in ur room.. " "Yello.. My name is THKVP Babu.. ama sarry.. no problem medem.. was talking to appa amma.. chinappa .. kinappa... was telling them about pune.. and no this no towel.. this is dhoti.. Chennai Tnagar market.. appaswamy store.. vary white.. " Shalini found this very strange and her PUSA professor never told her how to deal with this scenario.. started laughing.. Babu.. wasnt sure whether she was making fun of her or is it punes way of treating people.. asked what wrong medem.. she politely asked him to continue the conversation in his room.. as other guests are getting disturbed..


Scene 3 -- Parking lot outside Kinara, late in the evening ...

Shalini Chautala got late fixing up some housekeeping issues, and had to take a rick to get back home.. she was waiting @ the parking lot, it was getting a little dark.. suddenly 3 goons from nowhere turn up there and start teasing her.. All that Ghee Butter which mother Shalini had fed her all these years, transform into unmentionable words .. with staunch Jat accent.. The goons startled.. but still continued with the eve teasing..Shalini shouted the age ole lines.. Somebody Save me.... N Suddenly the earth shook a little and the goons fell down.. "Panni podaa...ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..." Babu thundered and stampeded the ground again... the earth shook again.. more vigorously.. Goons fell down and started rolling on the ground... Babu got more angry.. took the auto standing next to him and threw it @ the goon.. it landed on the goon and blasted in flames.. the other guy got up and stared @ Babu.. Babu got more angry and flexed his muscles.. the shirt tore open... and blew away with wind.. the white thread draping his body was visible, the wicked fella got very nervous and started running away.. Babu stared @ him.. took out his glasses.. threw them @ 45 degrees projectile.. took out a Gold flake small.. threw the ciggi @ the goon, it hit him on the head and he lost consciousness... the ciggi rebounded.. hit the specs.. and went to the flame started by the rick .. got lit from one side and due to the shaking earth which babus started.. jumped back into babus hands.. the glasses due to the hit from the ciggi, changed directions and went towards babus face and fitted to a T... All in glasses and a ciggi in his hand.. babu stubbed out the ciggi and shouted .. "SMOKING is inchurious to halthe..RAJNIKANTAAAAAAAAAAAA" Shalini Chautala ran towards babu, with tears in her eyes and was all smiles by the time she reached him...

Scene 4 -- Babus Shalini imagination.. level 2..

White Shirt, white trousers, white shoes clad babu.. "If you come today... it is too early.. if you come tomorrow.. it is too late...you pick the time... tick tick tick tick..." The actual song can be seen @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PFURM9eA_Q
Shalini "Sajna aa vi jaa .. sajna aabhi jaa.. nai lagda dil tere bina..." for further reference http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it8n26qfzqw&feature=related

Scene 5 -- Hotel lobby Kinara hotel..


"Appa amma.. love love love... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da..... Shalini Chautala.... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... pavi..da...love love....ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paia..da...Marriage...ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...pls. understand... ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...love love.. Run away.. ennaa mannna ... le ... ma.... paa..da...Aiyoooooooooooo" "Amma appa ready ilaya.. we need to elope .. " "My folks also not ready.. lets run ... " another song.. "O Yaara rab rus jaane de.. diwana jag chut jaane de..mai tera dil ban ke rahun.. begane dil toot jaane de..." bibliography http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lHj6LhvSwY


Scene 6 -- chaturshringi temple pune

"Om Garood..........." Babu and Shalini were tieing the knot.. They lived happily ever after .... and soon they were blessed with a child whom they named... Indresh Vaidyanathan...The End....


He told me the story of their parents meeting up and getting married when i asked him about his genetical experiment, the 18 mile drive to work couldnt have been more exciting.. I almost prayed for traffic jams that day as was so very engrossed in his story..

Ok.. now what do we understand from the case study.. come on folks think.. most of u r into softwares and i understand the cut copy paste job has hardly left any fertile grey cells, but trying is the mother of all inventions..ok something is.. lets not get literal here.. think .. rake ur brains.. ok i give it to you.. "Truth is stranger than fiction..." Simple hai


Now time for post scripts and disclaimers ..

Disclaimer:

all characters in this blog are fictitious, conincidences happen and they can be explained.. so pls. dont bother about an explanation.. will give it in next blog..
this blog is written entirely from the perspective of entertainment and should be considered in the same vain, not that i care if you object, but still read it with a light heart.

A smile is worth a million insults..
--AG 1:31 A.M. Scottsdale..


P.S.--I have been approached by Vidhu Vinod Chopra and Raju Hirani to sell the contents of this blog to him, but looking @ the way Chetan Bhagat was treated i have decided not to sell this story to them, @ any cost. So in case you fans dont see a movie made on this, dont be disappointed.. Some hard decisions need to be taken..

Astla Vista till i write again...

Chicken Curry...

Chicken or Egg.. man or Woman.. who came first.. who cares.. only thing which comes to mind thinking about chicken and egg is chicken curry, brown reddish, thick gravy, spicy, juicy chicken curry..

interesting topic to start for the first blog.. huh.. how many people would like to think about Chicken Curry in this great recession, the endless gloomy economy, the miserly spending client, sold out sun microsystems...... amongst all this who will think of chicken curry.. well i do.. :)... foodie by birth eater by choice.. n ya cook by compulsion....meet me .... the chicken curry man..

so what is it which makes me think about chicken curry in such turbulent times... well trust me my thinking or worrying or loosing an ounce of weight is not going to help economy to come back to shape.. come on dont expect people to start spending since the poor guy is loosing weight.. it doesnt happen that ways in the city.. so what could the great soul do in such times to keep the economy afloat... make chicken curry ..

now let me explain this.. i come back from work, kill some time reading about how some new analyst goofed up in his study about the recession.. how he couldnt gauge the impact in the strict sense of the word... come on it wasnt gauged in any sense of the word.. much adieu about nothing... so i complete reading these articles.. world doesnt seem to be a good place to live in anymore according to these folks.. so what do we do now.. what should happen if x doesnt pick up by y timeframe.. the great plans of life will need to be revisited to mitigate this risk.. wow.. so much thought processing... man it consumes calories and here i am deprived of some kilo cals.. so i need to eat...

check the fridge .. some freaking vegetable looks out from there checking me out whether i take him to gallows today.. no dear.. am no vegetable killer.. am the happy go lucky animal killer.. vegetables are like girl friends.. looks exciting before you buy them, gives you a rethought while you bill them, makes you think about other options while you bring them home.. and wow now here you are, cant cook them at once ...cant be so very heartless to cut the heads of a poor cauli or unchivalric enough to cut a lady finger... now while you are stuck in this situation, you think of giving it some time.. now the situation worsens.. the vegetable slowly starts turning stale.. you dont feel like throwing it.. come on you bought it in the first place.. cant cook it as it will not turn out to be so good.. so while you are still stuck in this situation, it starts worsening... the vegetable starts growing staler.. makes life tougher with all the odor ....then you finally decide to do away with it.. one day you pack it dump it .. and with a heavy heart come back... n here you go next shopping trip you are again back to your vegetable buying ways.. some people never learn...

And there is the chicken.. dead some time back.. resting in piece in freezer, in a cold and dry place.. away from all the turbulances of the world.. no lehman brother crash bothers it, no depreceating rate of dollar hurts him... he had lived.. quite a life .. and even in its death there it lies to make my day.. so very straightforward.. so very selfless.. when lived.. gave eggs .. now dead and forms meal.. the religious part of me is also convinced that i am not going to kill a living being.. there would be no guilt feeling of cutting through a caulis gut or slicing through a lady's finger.. elated i am.. such a great soul.. i will be eating in his presence.. and some fellas made chickening out a derogatory phrase... if given the control of webster i will change the meaning to a great selfless sacrifice.. AND SHE CHICKENED OUT ... but ok that laters..

the cook inside me took over.. the chicken was out in the microwave.. defrosting.. interesting concept.. kill it in Asia.. freeze it, send it to Uncle Sam, and we achievers will defreeze it .. no sins on us.. we are just defrosting..Asians are the killers.. we are just trying to help them out.. so chicken is defrosted.. now the herculean thigh looks like a polio stricken shrunken leg.. aah so much for coming to Uncle Sam;s land.. no issues.. here is the marination time.. All indian spcies... mixed in light proportions.. ginger garlic paste.. this is eficiency and cost optimization at its best.. why buy two seperate packs of ginger and garlic when you can get them together... also look at the productivity improvement which you get by using one instance.. rather than multiple instances and their housekeeping.. now i know where does all this technology management jargons come from.. chicken curry is the base of everything.. some CMMer Dad while making chicken curry got enlightened and wow.. we have cmm5... 5 for the different spices used.. huh makes sense now.. now the crude part.. amean curd part.. dont know why they call it yougurt.. may be you +gurt ~you + got it..i will leave it to that.. so now curd mixed with all the ingredients.. marination done.. aah one item left.. sham chicken tandoor masala.. hate pakistan for everything.. but trust me the spices which they send to US are mind blowing.. nah not literally..

ok now the hot part.. i mean the heating part.. pan which can tolerate heat, and for lazy blokes.. i mean non complicated blokes like us.. non stick pans... come on the chicken cant get out on its own when it gets too hot for it to handle... now oil.. not from iraq blokes.. normal cooking oil.. if you are the thin types, butter is your substitute.. for foodies like us.. the secret of long innings is less oil.. so ghee it is... eat healthy live healthy.. so now is the time for the onion cutting festival.. call a few onions to the ceremony.. cut them into two.. undress them.. cut them into pieces.. the smaller the better.. man vegetables i tell you.. make you look like a psycho killer on a rampage.. now the important part of onion cutting ceremony.. crying.. yes cry.. you killed so many onions.. cut them to pieces.. slit them apart.. a few tears are ok to cover up all the atrocities.. some one said crying makes one heart relieved of all the burdens of sins.. lets not get into who and all.... someone said.. important someone.. :)

now the frying part... yes we are proper criminals on a rampage.. we dont even kill it, undress it cut it to pieces.. now we fry it hot oil.. man we are cold blooded animals.. still a job that needs to be done needs to be done.. fry fry fry.. till you can see the onion cry.. once she is golden brown... hold on a word of caution here.. there is a very thin line of difference between golden brown and burnt.. all i meant is brown.. golden.. no black is burnt.. you will need to redo the onion massacre again if it goes black.. assuming that color blindness is just in C grade hindi movies, onion would be goden brown now.. now again cost optimization and reuse.. put the find of the century, the true component, ginger garlic paste in now withered onion... alot of fizz will be on offer for the first part.. bear with it.. once done.. time for the indian spices.. vasco di gama and christy columbus were looking for india for spices... i wonder they were upto making chicken curry and wanted correct spices for that.. wow.. india and us were explored because of chicken curry.. amazing.. now the big 4 spices go into the pan.. followed by salt... salt it interesting charecter.. it is that nagging egoistic team member whom we cannot stand for long, but all of know we cant do without him.. hehe.. similey..

now the marinated chicken... goes to the pan... it is the reunion of sorts.. let them hug, cuddle poodle each other.. onion meets chicken.. oo.. for the spice fearing folks.. you will need to kill a few tomatoes.. another massacare.... they go into the pan.. now Garam Masala.. and let it simmer... simmer simmer.. pateince and time given to the whole establishment is the key here.. like any overworked underpaid s/w professional, now this chicken also needs some time for itself.. all on its own.. leave it alone.. be a parent to it.. let it be on its own, but just watch out and make sure it doesnt burn its hand.. ya son is the father of the son..

so with time chicken will season.. the longer you can wait the better it will blend.. now the interesting part... eating time.. hot chapatis or garlic naan go best with it, a bit of red wine for seasoning, and a lot of it for drinking will make this a proper and perfect meal....

chicken curry is ready..

now to answer the first question which i raised.. in such turbulant times chicken curry, how will it help.. now the deal is when one makes chicken curry, he buys chicken, cash outflow from Uncle Same to Asia Europe, onions tomatoes.. local market and mexican get some dollars.. spices... mother india and pakistan making some moolah.. with all this there will be some left overs like bones and stuff after the meal, garbage industry boom... the dumper. plastic bags.. the recycling firms.. there is whole supply demand chain there.. now the best part.. the chicken curry aroma goes out of the window.. neighbors place.. he gets worked up.. come on cant smell chicken and eat egg plant... so he also makes his own chicken curry.. the money flows.. the aroma flows.. there will be an exponential progression of money outflow and inflow.. there will be circulation in the market.. market confidence will build.. slowly n steadily market will turn bullish and economies across world will revive.. the export import relations between the countries will improve.. of course no one has all the chicken onions tomatoes and spcies.. there will be international trade.. +ve growth for economy.. according to studies.. if every household in world starts cooking chicken curry for all meals world economy will revive in a few fortnights.. wow.. chicken curry did what all economists are still struggling with... better greener times..


Vegetarians turn non vegetarian.. only chicken curry can take us out these times.. n folks say i dont think... :)

hail chicken curry!!!